Getting Your Food On

People like to eat. We’ve all had moments wherein we should have put that fork down a few bites earlier than we did, myself included. But for a certain confederacy of dunces, the ills of their full bellies are not easily placated with the simple loosening of a belt notch … or two.

A week ago, many Americans took pause to celebrate Independence Day. Typically, such celebration includes a bit of barbecue, a few firecrackers, and perhaps even lemonade and apple pie. But for some, the July 4th holiday would not be complete without astonishing amounts of food consumption. I’m talking crazy amounts of food.

At this year’s annual July 4th Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest - broadcast live via ESPN – a raucous crowd forty-thousand strong cheered - and perhaps gagged- as Joey Chestnut literally stuffed himself with silly. Fueled by euphoria and lack of good judgment, Chestnut (wait for this…) set a world record by chomping sixty-eight hot dogs (yes, sixty-eight) during a ten-minute “contest” period.

I hope he had a comfortable toilet; I imagine he needed it.

Actually, Chestnut and others are professional eaters aligned to the International Federation of Competitive Eating. The Nathan’s contest being just one of many stops along the circus that is the Major League Eating tour. (don’t even get me started as to whether or not eating is ‘sport’ and worthy of league sanctioning)

What is it about this grotesque intake of food that compels so many to abate better judgment, only to conclude that such consumption might
possibly be a good idea?

As I begin to firmly settle into life here in Seattle, I try to convince myself that we in the PNW appreciate food more so than mainstream America. I like to believe we are not foolish and gluttonous, abusive of cuisine.

I was wrong.

Imagine my horror when recently, while reading a local newspaper, I stumbled across an article featuring some knucklehead reporter hell-bent on besting the “ten pound hamburger challenge”.

To be precise, the ten-pound challenge is a bit misleading in that the challenge consists of two objectives really; a single five-pound monster cheeseburger, besieged by five pounds of greasy French-fries.

click the image above to see video of the 10-pound burger challenge

Considering a tango with this burger mistress? Perhaps you had better watch the video above before you judge your potential cholesterol inducing ballroom partner. Assuming you proceed, and if you can clean your plate spotless in less than an hour, the meal is gratis. Need more enticement - the chef will hang your picture on the “Wall of Fame” next to all the other jokers who happened to conquer the burger and fries mountain before your successful summit. Finally, with your belly full and aching, you also take home a $25 gift certificate for, get this, more meat from a local butcher.

I wonder why so many of us are overweight and diabetic?